Your EX-Husband

Dear Ex-Husband,

Your letter made my day. Yes, we’ve been married 7 years, but “good man” isn’t how I’d describe you. I watch TV to drown out your complaints. I noticed your haircut but thought you looked like a girl, so I kept quiet. You cooked a meal I don’t eat anymore, and those boxers? I saw the $49.99 tag.

I quit my job because I won $10 million and bought us Jamaica tickets, but you left first. Now, I’m free and rich. Oh, and my sister was once Carl—hope that’s not an issue!

Your Ex-Wife