Dear Wife, I have reached a decision to part ways permanently. After seven years of marriage, I have reached my limit. The recent two weeks have been particularly challenging. Learning about your decision to quit your job was the final straw for me.

Last week, I felt neglected as you failed to acknowledge my new haircut, the meal I prepared, or the silk boxers I put on. The lack of affection, love, and intimacy has become too much for me to bear. I have made up my mind to walk away from this relationship. Your sister and I are relocating to West Virginia to start anew. I wish you well in your future endeavors.

Dear Ex-Husband, Your message brought a smile to my face. While our marriage lasted seven years, I cannot say you were a ‘good man.’ Your constant complaints drove me to watch TV for solace. Even though I noticed your haircut, I refrained from commenting as I found it unflattering. The meal you cooked did not align with my dietary preferences, and the price tag on those boxers did not escape my notice.

I made the life-changing decision to quit my job after winning $10 million and securing tickets to Jamaica for us. However, your departure came before I could share the news. Now, I am liberated and financially secure. By the way, my sister was previously known as Carl— I trust this does not pose an issue to you. Regards, Your Ex-Wife