Dear Wife,

I’m writing to let you know that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve tried to be a good husband for our 7 years of marriage, but I have nothing to show for it.

The past two weeks have been incredibly tough. Your boss informed me that you quit your job today, and that was the final straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t notice my new haircut, the fact that I cooked your favorite meal, or that I was wearing new silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, then went straight to sleep after watching your TV shows. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, and there’s no intimacy between us. Whether you’re cheating or just don’t love me anymore, it’s over.