I have to admit, receiving your letter was one of the most unexpected moments of my life. Honestly, nothing has made me feel more relieved and amused at the same time. Yes, it’s true—we were married for seven long years. But calling you a “good man”? That’s laughable.

I spend so much time watching my TV shows because it’s the only way to drown out your endless complaining and negativity. Believe me, the shows don’t work, but at least I’m trying. When I noticed your new haircut, the first thing that popped into my head was, “You look just like a girl!” But since my mother taught me not to say anything if I couldn’t say something nice, I held my tongue.About that meal you cooked—don’t you remember? I stopped eating pork seven years ago. Maybe you confused me with my sister?

Speaking of your silk boxers, I turned away because the $49.99 price tag was still on them. And funny enough, my sister had just borrowed fifty bucks from me that very morning.