He would say, “Steve says relationships work best when the wife runs the home.” “Steve believes that wives should always look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”

It was getting on my nerves, but I’d roll my eyes and say something sarcastic with my answer. Jake had changed. He would raise an eyebrow if I got takeout instead of cooking and sigh if I didn’t do my laundry because I had a full-time job.

Then it took place. He brought The List home one night.

At the kitchen table, he put me down and opened up a piece of paper. He then slid it across to me.

He began, “I’ve been thinking.” His voice had a condescending tone that I had never heard from him before. “Lisa, you’re a great wife. However, things could be better.

It made my eyebrows go up. “Really?”

He didn’t know he was entering a dangerous area when he nodded. “Okay.” Steve showed me that you could make our marriage even better if you did a few things.

I looked at the paper for a while. It was a plan… At the top, he had written in bold, “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.”

Based on what Steve, a single guy with no relationship experience, thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife, this guy planned my whole week.

I was told to get up every day at 5 a.m. and make Jake a fancy breakfast. After that, I would “stay in shape” at the gym for an hour.

Afterwards? Cleaning, laundry, and ironing are all fun things to do. All of that happened before I went to work. Every night I was to make a whole meal from scratch and fancy snacks for Jake’s friends to eat when they came over to hang out.

I didn’t know where to begin because it was so complicated and hard for me to understand. I looked at him for a long time and thought my husband was crazy.

“This is great for both of us,” he said, not realizing it.

“Steve says it’s important to keep things organized, and I believe you would benefit from—”

“What could be good for me?” I spoke up, and my voice was way too calm. The delay made Jake blink, but he quickly got back on track.

“Well, you know, from having some direction and a plan.”

That piece of paper made me want to punch him in the face and ask him if he had a death wish. Not only did I surprise myself, but I also smiled.

I told Jake in a sweet voice, “You’re right.” “I feel so lucky that you made this plan for me.” “I’ll begin tomorrow.”

His face lit up with happiness right away. As I put the list on the fridge, I almost felt sorry for him. Almost. He had no idea what was going to happen.

I couldn’t help but grin as I looked over the silly plan again the next day. Jake was about to find out how much order our life could handle when he thought he could give me a list of “improvements.”

When I got my laptop, I made a new document and called it “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a beautiful wife, right? Okay. But being perfect came at a price.

Beginning with the gym membership he was so excited about, I made a list of all the things he had recommended. It made no sense.

“I paid $1,200 for a personal trainer.” As I typed, I could hardly hold back a laugh.

The food came next. It wasn’t possible for Jake to eat like a king on our current shopping budget. Everything should be organic, non-GMO, and free-range. It wasn’t cheap to buy that.

“$700 every month for food,” I wrote. He would likely also have to pay for a cooking class. Those cost a lot, but then again, greatness doesn’t come for free.

I leaned back in my chair and laughed to myself as I thought about what Jake would think of this. I wasn’t done, though. Not yet, the big moment was still to come.

You can see that I couldn’t handle all of these demands and my job at the same time. It would be unfair for Jake to expect me to work on his crazy act full-time if I didn’t make any money.

I got out a calculator and tried to guess how much my pay was. Then I put it on the list with a note that said, “$75,000 a year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”

At this point, laughing hurt my stomach.

For good measure, I also told him that I thought he should add on to the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over often, they would need a space that was just for them and wouldn’t get in the way of my newly organized, impossible to arrange life.

“$50,000 to build a separate “man room” for Jake and his friends where Lisa won’t have to deal with them.”

The list was a work of art by the time I was done. It was a headache for money and logistics, but it was still a masterpiece. Not only was it a response, it was a wake-up call.

After printing it out, I put it on the kitchen counter and waited for Jake to get home. He was in a good mood when he finally walked through the door that night.

He yelled, “Hey, babe!” and dropped his keys on the counter. He saw the paper almost right away. “What is this?”

I fought the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up and kept my face straight. That was all I said. “Oh, it’s just a little list I made for you to help you be the best husband ever.”

Jake laughed because he thought I was joining in with his little game. But as he read the first few lines, his smile began to fade. He was slowly realizing that this wasn’t the joke he thought it was, and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

“Wait, what is this all about?” He looked at the numbers with squinted eyes and gasped when he saw how much it would all cost. Is that $1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month to buy food? “What the hell, Lisa?”

I crossed my arms and leaned against the kitchen island.

“So you want me to get up at 5 a.m., go to the gym, make fancy breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and have your friends over?” I think we should put that all in the budget, don’t you agree?”

As he turned the pages, his face got pale. “$75,000 a year? You’re leaving your job?”

I gave a shrug. “What else should I do to follow your plan?” “I can’t work and be a great wife at the same time, right?”

He was shocked and just stared at the paper.

His requests and the huge amounts of money he wanted all hit him at once. He lost his cockiness and began to realize that he had done something very, very wrong.

“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stuttered and looked at me with big eyes. “Sorry Lisa, I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way. “I just thought—”

“What did you think?” Like a project, that I could “improve” myself?” Even though my voice was calm, it hurt. “Jake, routines and lists don’t belong in a marriage.” It has to do with honor. You’ll pay a lot more than what’s written on that paper if you try to “fix” me again in this way.

Very quiet, and it felt bad to be in it. Jake let out a deep sigh as his face softened and his shoulders sagged.

He said in a whisper, “I’m sorry.” “I didn’t understand how silly it was.” Steve said it made sense, but I now see it’s… It is harmful. “Oh my God, I was such a fool.”

I nodded and carefully watched him. “Yes, you have.” Really, have you looked into Steve’s life? Why do you think he knows enough about marriage to give you advice? Or something else?”

I loved the look on his face when what I said hit home.

“You’re right.” He would never be able to pay for this kind of living. The list got hit with the back of his hand. “He…he doesn’t know how much this costs or how humiliating it is.” “Oh, Lisa, I went too far again, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but we’ll get better.” Let’s tear up that paper and get back to being equal.

He gave a weak smile, which eased the strain a little. “All right, let’s do that.”

As we tore through the list together, I felt like we were back on the same team for the first time in weeks.

We might have needed this to tell us that being married isn’t about who is “better” than the other. It’s about getting along better.

Another story: Nora thought her marriage to Vincent was strong, but while he was away, she checked the kitchen cabinets and found a terrible secret. That shocking truth was in a jar that looked like any other. It made her file for divorce right away. To read more, click here.

This work is based on real people and events, but it has been made up for artistic reasons. To protect privacy and make the story better, names, characters, and circumstances have been changed. Any similarity to real people, living or dead, or real events is completely accidental and not on purpose by the author.
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